Slop Bucket

As promised, summery days and nights arrived ahead of its cue, and like an embarrassed child, retracted apologetically. We did manage to slip in a few fun filled days in the park during its brief appearance, as most of you on facebook (read: everyone) already know. That was one way to while away the listless daylight hours now. I suppose I could (should) start the job hunt on the illegal overseas student employment market. If there are any readers out there who are owners of manhattan based establishments willing to take on a neurotic (in an entirely professional way) Asian (= hard working) girl who is constantly on the quest for approval (= fantastic customer service), please, save me the trouble and drop a line.

Apart from that, I think I'll just continue on my mission of watching every episode of shows on netflix I'd always wanted to watch but never had the time to.

That would only be until mother arrives, of course.

I need to make it clear though, here, for everyone to see. I, Alice Bing Qing Tao Qin, hereby swear that my work ethic is going to shape right up, as of, errr.....now. Remember my fuck it manifesto? Well it's now going to include this amendment.

On top of not being afraid of creating and treating it like first time sex (just get it done so you can get on to the much better second and third time sex, according to merlin mann) I will actually go further, do more than the bare requirement. Ask more of myself than what is asked by the other people around me. Not just getting the job done but banging it out of the park. I'm mixing metaphors here but you get the idea. Because let's face it, being "good enough" is too easy, and unsatisfying (shit, the sex puns just want to write themselves). There, it's in print now, and you can all hold me to it.

CALL ME OUT ON MY BULLSHIT, people. If I'm clearly not trying hard enough, slap me, hard.

The fat trimming would begin, coincidentally, with fat trimming. Before you guys start on me, yeah, I know I'm not fat. I'm clearly not thin either, and the truth is I probably never will be simply because of my body shape. But for someone who has always sat on the "underweight" side of the BMI scale, to be smack bang in the middle now makes me sad. Regular regimen, cutting out most of the junk (save for my How I Met Your Mother dates, because girl talk and sitcoms are not the same without chocolate), and throwing out my takeout menus. Earning points on Delivery.com is just not worth it. That's enough airing of laundry for the night.

**

I have had a fine start to my summer break, people. Enjoyed the company of great people, learned a lesson in managing expectations... there is one thing nagging the back of my head though.

I lost a friend recently. No, no one died, but through an offhand comment, I had manged to offend someone irrevocably. Obviously, a button got pushed that I shouldn't have played around with in the first place. I have went over my words repeatedly and have decided point blank, that I would not apologise for them, because the entire friendship was based on two people who can be brutally honest with each other, and an apology would simply be a lie. Knowing him to be who he is, I am sure he would not see my side of things either. Stale mate, a friend is lost. I haven't thought about this for days now, namely because I've had a blissful few days, and I'm a brilliant compartmentaliser. But today, waking up in an empty bed, feeling a little disoriented and then realising that the person I normally try to make sense of it all to, to jot down these related elements in my life in a cohesive way, I can no longer relate to. For that, on a day that I was already kinda bummed, the arrow ticked over into the blue zone.

Let's focus on the bliss for a moment here. I won't go too much into it, but good food, good friends, and other kinds of good times. The lesson here is to just go with it, that if it feels right, then don't let inconsequential things hinder you any. And High Fidelity is still an awesome film no matter how many times I've seen it.

The Girlfriend Experience is on showtime right now. You know, for someone who performs like a champ in front of a camera for adult activities, Sasha Grey is really an incredibly dull person. Speaking of which, could we pause for a moment to revel in the recently resurrected hotness of scarjo? She has reclaimed her heights at the Match Point levels of hot, meaning, had I not been in the company of people, I may have had a much bigger reaction to that last black widow fight sequence.

Alright, this post is now officially living up to its title, time to call it a night. It is now a Friday though, so you know what that means...

Five scenes from my life in 2010 so far.

* The night before leaving Melbourne, Dean, Maya and Yoyo in my drive way, making things impossible.

* After Jimmy's critiques of the Poetry Projects, the running outside followed by the 45 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing that occurred.

* Studio 2F, Voice and Speech class, the most awkward thing to have happened this year, you know what I'm talking about.

* Corner of 32nd and 5th Ave, outside Chicken Revolution, two girls screaming at each other about life changing things.

* Walking out of Hotel Chelsea with a certain red head

If there was a better way to go...

...then it would find me

-------------------------------------------------

scratches the itch, but finds scant satisfaction. it was pointless, not the least bit enjoyable, and moreover, destructive.

I have had a couple weeks worth of self reflection now, this whole picking up injured sparrows by the roadside game is tiring itself out. I can't begin to admit to myself the true contents of my head, heart, groin, the curl of my toes. What would a snapshot of early 2009 reflect of me? Mother goose? Nesting doll? Tomatoes and onions and my ever expanding waistline. I have one of the finest views of the Manhattan skyline within walking distance, my walking distance, but I forego the dreaming and ram my head straight on into the thick of it.

juice, ham, hummus from Sahadi's, bread, apple cinnamon cheerios, bananas, berries, toilet paper, lamp, change of address forms, apartment hunting, laundry.

endless to-do lists of things that are easily achievable but always eschewed in favour of something far less pertinent, just because another person is involved. I live like a hobo, but would run to the side of anyone who becks and calls as something far more put together, at the drop of a hat. I've done the hermit thing, now I'm onto something different. When it comes to myself, my own world, my own space, there are test patterns and white noise screaming over my head. Nothing flickers into life until another person is involved. I don't even have the attention or concentration to watch things, to read. There's only cognitive behaviour enough to pass judgment on the cohabitant of my space. (Still entirely uninteresting to me, try as she might.)

So it's now 2:30am. First class tomorrow is one I really need to concentrate in, again, I have the problem of utter apathy. I just don't care enough to pull myself into this crazy woman's head.

So it's long overdue, another Friday Five

5 things I wish I could say to 5 different people but won't

"No, a song that you have written in the past and have now sent to me is not good enough. This lady requires all original work written specifically for her"

"I've had better"

"Yes you do freak me out a little, but it's more your personality than your head"

"Honey, why do you pimp yourself out like that?"

"I miss you. Hourly."

I'm Not There

Cate Dylan is going to rock my world. From the director of Velvet Goldmine (and we all know what a panty creamer that was), comes a poetic retelling of the life of Bob Dylan, played by Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Ben Wishaw (the guy from Perfume) and some 11 year old black kid. All as Dylan. Are you kids ready?

In other movie news, not only is Rescue Dawn, the hollywood version of Little Dieter Needs to Fly already completed, according to imdb the release date is set to 6 Sept down over our way. Why herzog would want to make a hollywood version of his own doco is beyond me, but it's by him and starring christian bale so my life is complete.

i need to upload some photos, but not tonight because i just can't be fucked. dean's birthday drinks, jazz's birthday drinks, photos of maya at red door burlesque. The combined efforts of both dean and myself in the camera pimping of maya is getting obscene. but hey, i was never one for holding back.

i have an insane amount of free time on my hands. which would normally be a good thing considering essays being due and all that jazz, but all it ends in is the stereogum mp3 player on the side menu on your left, a comment box on my myspace, and flickr and last.fm goodies on my facebook. oh and buying new lamps from ikea. $15 and standing tall and pretty, you can't go wrong.

***
a life in nicknames. 5 nicknames i've been given throughout my life which they considered endlessly ingenious and i just sat there slightly bemused

1. Bitchy: 1998. Not because i was a bitch, but apparently for two years Barry had been referring to me as Bitchy because he thought it sounded like my chinese name. we were 13, all i could come up for him was the blackberry

2. A-Lice: 1998. Niuniu seriously loved this and used it extensively. Why didn't i fight back goddammit? i mean her name was Niuniu Ma for christ's sake. we did proceed to create the whole Aunty Knickeres, Neice Kickers craze. extention class or no, math was still just plain dull.

3. Queenie/Queenster. 2003. Created to complete the Tregsie, Carilious trio. We were a good team. i miss those days

4. QinE. 2006. While Wenyi was overseas, a love stricken James started im-ing me about how perfect this was. exact quote "it's procrustes' attempt to write Chinny on msn. it's perfect because it's really just your name + extra letter. It even has the australian provincial ring to it"...yes james...

5. Chinny-chin-chin. 2007. while standing around in a circle outside puggs, a slightly tipsy and stoned adam uttered this, which was followed by uncontrollable tipsy and stoned giggling by all, and then hungry jacks. I hate that this can never happen again, and I hate the person who caused this for making it so. Somebody fix this, if only for my purely selfish reasons.

***

real life in 3D

ok already!

it's not about having a life, it's about actually doing things with my time and not being tied to the computer. so here it is, liquid crystal pixel ink to my virtual paper. a post, aghast!

failed my p's today.

like seriously. i suck. not only did i wait til a good half a year after i turn 21 to even attempt to put all those motoring skills to the test i had to suck at it. granted the most suckiest of reason to fail EVAH. it was all fine, we were cruising along, and i was doing GREAT. and on the way back, about 2 minutes from the end destination, i was just sitting there in the driver's seat thinking to myself... "is this a 50 zone? or a 60? it looks big enough and non-residential enough to be a 60, and they're all 60s around here...hmm...i'm going too slow then..." and grrrrr...up the speedometer

*tap tap* on the shoulder
"erm...can you pull over please."

SERIOUSLY! I FAILED FOR SPEEDING! OF ALL THINGS. THIS MAKES ME ANGRY. ALL CAPS KINDA ANGRY.

enough of that. Australia's Next Top Model was very cleansing. especially since i wasn't really watching and only looked at the pictures at the end. i can't believe the entire cast of Will and Grace are on Inside the Actor's Studio. Megan's voice is so normal, it's insanely disconcerting.

horrifying dream last night. and i was so aware that i was in a dream and was desperately trying to wake myself up. it was bizarre. i tried to run and it was kind of like running in water, so then i started banging my hand against my head and nothing. (i did acknowledge for a moment how amazing it was that i actually felt nothing and that all those cliches about pinching yourself were oddly true). it took a little while but i eventually did scare myself awake. that was a surreal moment, i couldn't be sure if i was awake awake and couldn't shake the dream off me. i can still remember everything so vividly.

***
RETURN OF THE FIVES
***

5 things ticking me off RIGHT now

1. william blake
2. the internet still not working on my new shiny new phone
3. i'm always either too cold or too warm. why can't i be warm blooded?
4. there's no chips in the house
5. i should be asleep by now

my eyelashes were fierce today. i want to try the new diorshow blackout mascara.

i want to read more. and absorb things without worrying about assessment. i want this whole uni thing to be over.

i need some sleep.

the science of sleep was awesome. if anyone is on my list (you know, the list of celebrities you can fuck without it being counted as cheating) gael garcia bernal is on it.

i want to be elsewhere...

***
list of celebrities i'd like to fuck without it being counted as cheating
***

1. the depp man
2. miss scarlett + mr. hartnett
3. gael garcia bernal
4. ryan mickey mouse club gosling
5. jonathan rhys meyers. just because he seems like he'd be really really good in bed in that asshole kind of way. you know?
supps:
milla, would not say no to her.
that guy who was not benji but was the runner up in 'so you think you can dance 2'.
natalie portman, although i'd feel bad after.

Guilty Pleasures

I've been a terrible webstress. i'm terribly sorry. there ain't much to excuse my behaviour. I haven't been particularly busy, or anything less than lazy.

Most of you know by now that in between posts i got my self some kind of inked

and in anticipation of any faq's yes the meaning is three-fold
1. it's my initials. for at least the two outer corners of my name
2. i wanted the queen of hearts for alice in wonderland. "Off with'is 'ead!"
3. it also makes 21 in blackjack (now i know some of you scoff at this as a reason to get a tatt, but think, i'll always remember when i got it right?)

I saw two burlesque shows, spent valentines with a group of fun loving people, went to junkyard cinemas a few times, went to rooftop once, saw a whole bunch of movies that i still need to review properly.

oh and young carilious turned 22

rio (john) who shares the same birthday came to celebrate too. it was a dirty night at a nasty asian rnb club as promised, and carilious went home wasted as promised.

***

Uni started. and for some reason (my lack of communication with admin) i got stuck doing only two subjects this semester. which means i lose my concession, and my will to live. drats. but ho! this means a whole semester of nothing but Blake and C18th crime literature! i can feel the blood rushing back into my head!

and good news my friends. you all know my own personal hero (read: demi-god) felicity colman? well out of the goodness of her heart, some sexual favours and probably a lot of wanting to keep her subjects open, she's decided to award me an h2a for a subject i didn't write a final essay on. she is now elevated to the level of appreciation i reserve for porn stars only in my heart.

speaking of porn stars. ladies and gentleman, is maria ozawa not the most beautiful specimen of the dirty kind alive?
(this woman does hardcore!)

google her yourself you pervert (start by clicking the picture)

i hope you are all well. comment a little so i know you still love me and forgive me for all my misgivings. and i'll check back again. soon. for reals.

a make-up list
5 things alice is loving at the moment

1. the cookies and cream ice-cream in her freezer
2. old goriot
3. NOT the class that's making her read old goriot. lit girls are idiots
4. the boy's guitar lying next to this couch reminding her that he was trying to play classical pieces she used to play on the piano
5. finally getting a blog post out

***

and since this is all on guilty pleasures. here's a secret guilty pleasure of mine. joss stone. i don't know what it is about her. her pretentious bare foot performances, her all american soul mama voice cracked into pieces that only 20 years of cigarette smoking knows how, the fact that she's a 19 years old white girl from kent notwithstanding, i don't get it either. but here she is in funky technicolour and legs that come up to ^here.

i was debating over whether to post this video (i know none of you would enjoy) or a bruce willis performance involving a white trench coat, some glasses that needs explaining, a rock band and a harmonica. but that might be a little too scary to jump back into the saddle with.

until next time.
aq out