nose dive

Let's just get right into it. Three welcome posts for one blog would seem a little excessive, and final proof that I'm just too chicken to do anything right.

I've been home 9 days.Although yet to spend a whole day at home doing nothing but pig out and watch netflix like I'd blissfully planned. Tomorrow, I think.

China was fun. I know, I'm as aghast as anyone. On top of meeting someone amazing, I think the biggest positive was being able to walk around Shanghai a bit, instead of looking at it as a chore but being a fully functioning adult living a piece of the life there for once. I may even have wanted to stay on a bit longer if I didn't want to get back to New York as soon as I could. Yet another sliver of myself I want to strip off and live concurrently as my 4 other lives I wish could be out there, gallivanting. I ate some great food, hung out at a jazz club a lot, led a workshop, met some young actors, was spoken to like I was worth something, had a fling, saw a play, felt loved and respected by a great man, all achieved in the gray clouded humidity of Shanghai. Pretty good trip, no? Didn't go to the world expo once, not even close. Just hearing about the lines and how you have to wait all day just to get to one pavillion, I ran the other way. Here are some pictures taken by capable people, which almost makes going there unnecessary.

While I was away I got to meet two young girls, both around the same age (14-15). One being the daughter of my newly adopted god father, the other, the daughter of the president of the biggest development company in China. The first girl is gentle, artistic, intelligent, awkwardly going through puberty the same way I went through it, with a touch of shame and hunger. She was fun, and sweet, and everything about her made her beautiful, she was exactly the age she was. She obviously didn't lack support or love, her paintings are proudly framed and hung in the jazz club her father owns, but she was completely unaffected, unspoiled. The second girl was a beast of another colour altogether. She epitomises the daughter of a new China. Proud, confident, smart and outspoken, just give her a weapon and she's ready to pounce. Within the course of the 3 hour meal I had with her I grew from bemused, to quietly tolerant, to downright distaste. Lacking the grace and manners of any culture, she felt entitled to behave in whatever way she liked. It is clear that debate is promoted in her household and her voice is heard as an equal, which I had always thought was a good thing but I guess it's only a good thing when the child still inherently understands herself to be the child. It wasn't the fact that she had her laptop out on the dinner table at a restaurant where there's guests, many of whom she has not met formally, or the fact that she interrupted every conversation the adults were having about business. Her attitude was cut throat, she wore the compliments anyone throws her proudly like a badge. You know, that quiet belief that we all have, which eventually gets dashed to a bloody pulp, the gleaming thought that "I'm Special!"? Well this is just a matter of fact for this girl. Her father is one of the most powerful men in Shanghai and she knows it, and borrows his glory as her own, and speaks to others in this manner. China is breeding children like this. This is what they want, this is who they hope would build a new China on the world's stage. All the education systems, family structural systems, government policies has led to this, this shiny example of a bubbly teenager. We should all quake in our boots.

Well I came back. Came back with minimal souvenirs, my luggage didn't have the "heavy" tag on it for once. I'm back.

Time to plug my head back in

Miranda July's collection of short stories - "No One Belongs Here More Than You", is still the most sensitive and beautifully observed collection of heartbreaking tales, about very small things. There's nothing epic, except for the exquisite pain of everyday love and loss. I included it in the bag of books I gave that first girl. Maybe I should list that bag of books in the repository. I enjoy the fact that I can personality spam you all without contaminating my journal now. Just click the repository link to watch me being obnoxious.